My Personal Drug
by Ayvee
Summary: After retrieving Gemma's father from the opium den with Kartik, she needs to know she is more than enough for someone. ONESHOT. LEMON.


After retrieving Father from the opium den tonight, Kartik and I retreated to our own rooms to reflect upon what happened.

I lie in bed, tossing and turning, unable to shake the image of Father next to that foul woman and in that horrible environment. How could he let Mother's death bring him down so much? Were we not enough for him to live?

Tears sprung up in my eyes at the idea of Father not wanting any of us around to be there for him as he goes on this long, downhill path. I was not enough for him to want to live.

All of the issues, problems, and stress I'd been juggling with between the Realms and real life came catching up to me and it just made me feel so broken tonight. I felt as though no one truly understood all the weight I had to carry on my shoulders. I was responsible for so many things and if I failed, it all rested on me. I was tired of holding everything back for the sake of others. I sobbed for an hour in my bed, tears soaking the pillow.

I needed comfort more than ever tonight. This feeling of emptiness and heavy sorrow weighed me down, and I would seek any outlet for it, no matter if I suffered from the consequences.

Remembering the warm feeling I received from when Kartik and I kissed had me feeling fluttery. I could go down right now to the stablerooms and act upon instinct. It would be justifiably so, after the long night we had spent saving Father and bringing him back home. It would be comfort. It would be excusable. I could only hope that I wouldn't be rejected and humiliated for my emotional actions. I only wished to rid myself of these horrid feelings that made me feel like I wasn't enough.

 _And why wasn't I enough?_

Feeling the tears threaten to spill again, I put on slippers and hurried to the stablerooms in the cold night air. I was wearing nothing but my thin, white sleeveless nightgown which only reached to barely above my knees.

I knocked lightly on Kartik's door. After a moment, he opened it slowly. His hair was disheveled, as if I had just woke him up from sleep. The lamp was lit inside of his room casting a dim glow. "Gemma, it's late. What are you doing here? Did something happen?"

"I…" Seeing Kartik shirtless and with a sleepy but worried expression, made me want even more to be held by him. I choked back my words to try and prevent any tears from flowing. "I couldn't sleep tonight."

Sensing my distress, his gaze softened. "You may come in, if you'd like."

"I should apologize. Did I interrupt your sleep?"

Shaking his head, he told me, "It's alright. I'd been asleep only but for a few minutes. There were a lot of things on my mind."

Stepping into the room, I was surrounded by warmth. It was nice and cozy. We sat on his bed, at a distance that I wanted to erase. I was still somewhat cold from the air outside, and my nightgown was very thin. Kartik took great care not to look down at my chest, which I'm sure was showing how cold I was. He had wrapped his blanket around himself to hide his shirtless body.

"What are you thinking?" He finally asked after a few minutes of silence.

"I was thinking about how cold I am," I said slyly, hoping to close the distance between us.

Catching on fast, Kartik said, "Gemma, you're hardly dressed modestly, and I've no shirt on."

"That only allows for body warmth to travel quickly between us then, right?" I looked over at him, hopefully. He sighed, giving me this victory.

"Alright then, come closer."

Holding open the blanket, I scooted over to his side. It was warm and his soft, bronze skin was radiating heat. Closing the blanket over both of us, I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my breasts against his chest, waiting for a reaction. I knew he was aware, for his breath hitched for a second.

"What are you doing?" he whispered, looking down at me with a newfound expression in his eyes.

Without saying anything, I reached up to trace my thumb over his full lips. Oh, how I just want to feel them against my skin, and for him to trail soft kisses upon me. I wish for once that I was enough for somebody.

"Kiss me."

Overtaken by sudden sorrow, I surprised him with a rough kiss. He was taken aback, trying to form a question against my lips but I wouldn't allow him. His lips were soft and warm, just what I needed.

After the initial shock, he accepted me wholeheartedly and wrapped his arms around my waist. Pulling me closer, he kissed me back much sweeter than I would to him. His lips moved tenderly against mine, hesitant but wanting all the same.

While we kissed, my hand reached for his already throbbing member. Knowing that he was already this hard made me wet, and I wanted nothing more. He groaned against my lips and gently pulled me away.

"Gemma," he said, out of breath.

"Please," I whispered against his neck as I stroked his member through his pants. "I need this."

Confliction in his eyes, he watched me get on my knees in front of him. I could see him internally warring with himself on whether or not he wanted me to do this. I kissed his abs, the lines leading down to his crotch. He was tense all the way to when I started to lower his pants.

Ridding himself of pants, I took his dripping member in my hand, impressed by the length and size of it. It was the first time I had ever seen a guy's privates and it gave me an empowering feeling to know how much of an effect I had on him. I started to stroke his shaft up and down slowly, feeling it.

"It's dirty," embarrassed, Kartik looked away but I didn't miss the desire in his face.

Curiously, I opened my mouth and placed him neatly on my tongue. Looking up at him, he had his eyes closed and was breathing heavily. His eyebrows furrowed, enjoying the pleasure from my mouth when I began to move up and down. Moaning, he placed both of his hands on my head, entangling my hair through his fingers.

"Gemma," he moaned. "Your mouth is so warm. Your tongue feels so good."

I could feel his hips buck slightly below me, wanting to do more than just my mouth. I needed more than this. My sex was pulsing, almost throbbing. I placed both of my hands on his chest to move him backwards onto the bed, so he was lying down. I lifted up my nightgown, got on top, and straddled him. He looked up at me with wanting.

We kissed, and he fondled both of my breasts until my nipples were perky from more than just the cold. I rubbed my sex against his shaft when he took a nipple into his mouth. Running his tongue in circles against the bud, I arched my back from slight pleasure while coating his bare member with my juices.

"Kartik," I moaned. "Please, I want more."

With slight worry, he asked, "I want it more than anything right now but you're a proper lady. You'd become tainted without your virtue."

"I could care less about my virtue." Why was he so concerned about it?

He held my shoulders in place, stopping me. "Your family would care."

"No, they wouldn't. It's all about image for them. They wouldn't know, they wouldn't know anything that has to do with me. Especially my father. It seems he could care less about what I think, much less what I want to do." I bit my lip and looked away, tears spilling over.

An expression of awareness crossed Kartik's face. "Is that what this is about?"

Like a rejected child, I didn't say anything. I felt humiliated. He'd caught on to my sudden urges, knowing I had wanted to have sex with him out of comfort. I needed to act fast before this night became more of a pity.

Leaning down to kiss his neck, I murmured, "I just need to feel wanted. I need to know that I am enough alone, for somebody."

"I hardly think…" Kartik trailed off. I had pressed into the tip of his cock slightly, distracting him. Moving myself only slightly, I looked down at him coyly, waiting for his consent.

"Gemma," he said, with a hint of disapproval. "You know that I want you."

"Then prove it to me."

In answer, his member throbbed against me. Nervously, I lowered myself onto his full shaft. I heard the sharp intake of his breath, and I gasped at the feeling. It was a full, warm feeling. It was soft and hard at the same time. I began to grind against him, feeling him massage my inner walls. His eyes were closed, feeling all of me. He placed his hands on my hips, moving me up and down his shaft. We moved against each other as one. Sweat beaded on our bodies. It was suddenly very warm.

Putting both hands on his chest, I arched my back so that he could hit me deeper. I moved against him roughly and he reciprocated, my moans filling the room. He looked up at me in awe, watching my breasts bounce with every thrust. I was exposed, and I was behaving indecently but I didn't care.

"Faster," I panted. "You're hitting me in a _really_ … good… spot…"

Encouraged, he took ahold of my hips and pulled me down onto him with every thrust, hitting me deeply. My walls clenched onto him as we moved faster and harder. I couldn't hold myself up and I bit into his shoulder to keep from screaming out. He wouldn't take his eyes off of my body, my facial expressions, everything.

"Cum for me," he growled. I felt his member get really stiff and knew he was close to release.

"Oh, yes," I moaned, throwing my head back and arching my back. Waves of pleasure hit me at once and my body convulsed on top of his as he gave one final thrust. He had came inside of me, and he pulled me down to hug me tightly once my orgasm was over. Gently, he pulled out of me, and we hugged each other out of breath.

"Thank you, Kartik," I whispered. "Thank you for allowing me this night."

Giving me a soft kiss, he whispered back, "You are more than enough."


End file.
